……@:-&!..

I am planning to be a lgbtq counselor, and I have started to read about them. One thing that I believe is common between us is that like them I also want to be my true self.

Because, I feel like I am trapped in some where, in some persona that people would like or love, into some tags like a good human being or good person, selfless person. All these beliefs, question has just crushing my real self, my authentic self. I am feeling like I can’t escape from here but I will, because I am strong that I know.   For, very long time all I wished for is to become a good human being, and now that concept of mine is killing me every moment. Now I am thinking that – really am I wanna be a good person that’s making me feel frustrated and irritated. And I don’t wanna feel this way , if this is stopping me to become who I really am, then yeah I don’t wanna be a good human being or selfless person. I just wanna live my life as being me, knowing that yes I can say anything that I want without thinking, go anywhere even if it’s wrong, if that’s I feel like me. I just wanna do what I want and break every single wall that stopping me. And if that means people will never like me, then even that’s fine with me but I can’t be a good person at the cost of loosing myself, who really I am.

All I ever wanted is that people loves me, but I don’t wanna be loved on the expense of dying inside and not being able to say how I really feel. I am ready to not to be loved but love myself no matter what, and listen only to my inner self, not some bunch of beliefs that’s killing me.