Me.

I am afraid of telling people what I feel because I feel like they can’t understand me. Yeah, I get that feeling very often. I feel like not much of the people would see me as I see myself. I have too much self-doubts, I doubt everything I do, because i don’t wanna feel happy before I find out that it happens the best way. It’s like I always prepare myself for the worst.

I feel like I am living in a world inside my head where I couldn’t be able to let anyone comes in, yeah I really discuss sometimes to my youngest sister, but not about things I fear, I’m afraid of. It’s really like living a two life, one that is totally hidden inside me and one that is everyone seeing. It’s like I just don’t feel like someone can really love me without any expectations. Ofcourse , love from my family is something gives me strength to hold on and be strong. At one side, I really know what makes me happy, what I love and what matters to me. But on the other, there is really a big loop, in which if I entered once then I just feel like I am lost. But, I always say it to myself whenever I feel that way, that I’ve not come this far to give up. I am just gonnna fight with myself, keep doing unless I don’t get the life I wanna live, I love to live.

So, I think I am the most conflicted,confused but yet sedulous person.