I always get this feeling of guilt and knowing that what I just said was wrong. And I kinda didn’t like that feeling. I knew that I judged that person just now, but the truth is that I don’t mean it that way. Even though I judged, I know that I don’t feel about them that way. But still, I don’t like that feeling of doing wrong, or judging someone, but I still do it every time. I think that I need to accept myself this way, and let this feeling of guilt do it’s job, cause I am gonna feel this way, no matter what.
I am gonna judge people one second and another second I will realize that I did wrong, and then I will get this feeling back. But that’s the thing, it is okay to have this feeling, that doesn’t make me a mean, dumb bitch. That it is okay to be in this situation. I feel like this a lot, and that means that I am gonna keep having these feelings and thoughts continuously, and beating myself up for it, doesn’t gonna help. I need to let this feeling have it’s work, cause that’s how I will understand that what does it wanna do.
And as far as, I am getting from this feeling is that I know that where I am wrong, and that’s the great thing.
I truly do not like to judge anyone, cause I know how it’s like to be judged, when someone just make a comment about without even knowing the depth of the situation or the person’s feeling. But, there’s also a side when it’s just become a habit to judge but that person doesn’t do it intentionally, and I can totally relate with that. So I am thankful to have this feeling, I just hope that I understand this feeling, next time I am gonna have it.
We Humans, are really weird, our emotions are complicated, but when something happens to us by someone else, we kinda just made our mind up, for not to forgive, and make an unaware judgement.
But, this is what I am trying to learn, that nothing is straight,simple and I need to understand that everyone’s feelings are just as complex as mine. We all see it differently, and there it gets overcomplicated. I am just gonna try to understand people’s situation little more, from now on.
By the way, I am also really bad at trusting people at first interactions. But, I am learning to love people, because I know no one’s life easier, we all are working so hard to get sense of our lives, but no one can truly does.
Love.
Self-wanderer 