Nothing’s clear, I don’t know what’s happening with me. I am badly confused and it’s like there’s something on my mind that’s not going away. Like it’s not ending. Why I am always questioning about me going there,is it really important to think this much about that?
Why something inside me keep questioning that why I love my life in nyc, that what if it’s same there, what if I will regret?
The truth is I am not afraid of all these questions. It’s like it has become a habit of mine to keep questioning and answering those questions and this is bad for me and my mental health. Because I can free my mind even for a moment, I can’t shut it down.
I feel like whenever I stop watching those stories that opens my heart, that touches my heart like no one ever, things like this happens then also but things becomes easy.
The most difficult part that I can’t talk about it to anyone. Cause I just couldn’t.
I feel like I myself trying to stop myself from being happy, cause my heart, my soul knows the happiness, the peace I feel when I picture myself in The bronx, USA. How free and great I feel when I think of all those things I can do, and the way I can be there.
I see myself walking on those not so crowded streets of the bronx, which tells different stories on it’s own. The way I feel when I imagine myself looking all the other people doing their own things at orchard beach or looking at the sun at any railway station in the bronx.
I feel like it’s all wrong, it’s like I am telling myself that this all is a big mistake, and the truth is there is fight between what I feel about me being in the bronx and that something telling me that I shouldn’t think about it.
I don’t know what’s happening, I think the best way is leave things the way it is, cause I don’t know what’s happening, what I want. I’m gonna try to stop trying to make sense of it, cause it’s extremely painful.
Self-wanderer 